Kundalini Diary (A Visual Journey in Meditation)

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This is the second volume in a series of books that describe in the form of illustration and entries kept in a diary certain extraordinary and unusual experiences with Kundalini energy that Santosh Sacheva underwent.

The purpose of the books is to serve as a reference map with significant signposts on the Kundalini Journey. Santosh work is pioneering and absolutely unprecedented in visually and symbolically representing many of the important processes and changes transformation and insights that occur when the chakras are activated by the aroused Kundalini. There has simply never been anything like this before in the extent literature about the Kundalini. Each volume can be read as a separate book that is complete in what it seeks to convey.

A work like this is rapid tour through so many different and unusual states of consciousness specially the many global mythic theme accessed. What these books communicate is that such mythic structure is inherent in the condition of being human which is why the tales of man are so similar all over. It is a hopeful lesson in how astonishingly similar humans actually are all attempts to assert the contrary notwithstanding.

Another significant theme is cultural symbols with many interesting insights as to how caste marks or distinguishing features and weapons of the gods came into being. These aspects do not seem to be arbitrarily designed by imagination. They are experienced first as sontosh experienced them and then translated into cultural terms according to the predilections abilities and conditioning of the person who saw them. Her experience range freely over the collective consciousness of mankind.

So much fear mongering has gone into the average literature about the Kundalini and its arousal that these books are a great relief in their assertion of another possibility. The Kundalini and its arousal is a natural physiological process available to anybody who is willing to submit to its discipline and dedicated to its pursuit. Santosh is living proof that the kundalini is not to be dreaded but can become a good and wisely loving friend.

In 1995 Santosh Sachdeva entered the most significant stage of her spiritual life when she stated attending the course on Mental physics (also known as Brahma Vidya) conducted by justice M.L. Dudhat. The impact of the Guru and his teaching combined with the remarkable visions and experiences she underwent transformed her ideas of existence and allowed her to access deeper levels of understanding with complete surrender to the plan of the universe she lives a calm yet busy life with meditation as its daily central pivot; and inspiring example that the life spiritual and the Kundalini are normal things in the world accessible to all who are willing to make the effort.

A visual journey in meditation. That’s what this book is about. Perhaps the first to its kind which deals with the experience of Kundalni on a visual level.

In 1995, santosh undertook a course in spiritual development. Upon doing some sets of breathing exercises meditation and affirmations as prescribed in the course she stated experiencing visions. She would promptly sketch the same lest the visions be forgotten and lost forever. This process continued for three years during which each day saw the birth of a new set of experiences and their corresponding illustration. While this process was unfolding she went through a lot of books written by Masters on the same subject and found to her pleasant surprise that what other realized beings had expressed as the written word she had actually seen in the form of vision. As you go through this book you will come across a few references from other books which describe what she saw.

Santosh’s process of unfoldment was noted down by her in a diary. She felt the need to share this dairy of her experienced and this led to her first book ‘Conscious Flight into the empyrean’ which records her diary entries till December 1995. Her diary entries from January to October 1996 are recorded in this book. It has our endeavour to present her diary exactly as it is. No attempts have been made to disrupt the spontaneity of her drawing with professional retouching although she has not been formally trained in art. Her text entries alongside the drawing have been retained the way she wrote them without attempts at editorial reconstruction save for grammar and punctuation. The entries are in chronological order as maintained by her. Literally showing the step by step process of her spiritual unfoldment.

It was our intention to retain the purity of the process of unfloldment as recorded by her an unfoldment which happened not to a sage sitting in his cave on a mountain top meditation for over several years but to someone leading a regular day by day existence in a busy cosmopolitan city. Someone who had no pretentions about her experiences someone who didn’t consider herself spiritually advanced as a result of the same and most importantly someone who wanted to share her experience as it is to serve as a pointer to the truth.

The nature of Santosh meditative experiences is vast all encompassing moving across the entire span of the collective consciousness. Poets creative artistes even scientists have expounded on the nature of consciousness and manifestation through the ages. As lord Byron said, “I live not in myself, but I become portion of that around me.” In the words of Einstein “Reality is merely an illusion albeit a very persistent one.” Or, in a modern context best selling author sarah Ban Breathnatch says, “The greatest secret for living a happy and fulfilled life is realizing that everything is created in our mind before it manifests in the outer world. We must believe before we can see.”

The greatest secret for living a happy and fulfilled life us realizing that everything is created in our minds before it manifests in the outer world. We must believe before we can see.”

For those who have had similar experiences here’s a book they could well relate to. For those who have not experienced similarly phenomena but practice meditation or are curious about the same this book will provide you same unique insights.

I personally like to think of santosh’s drawing of her meditational experiences as stained glass windows. They are there as part of consciousness but cannot see them in the dark. To see their magnificence vibrancy and beauty all we need is Light!

Join santosh on her journey. Encounter what she encounter experience what she experience. Think of this book as a road map showing the way and you’re bound to enjoy the trip. Undertake with her what is truly a journey without distance.

This is the second volume in a series of three books that describes certain extraordinary and unusual experiences with the Kundalini energy that santosh sachdeva underwent. They are in the form of illustrations and entries in a diary that she kept from September 1995 to April 2000. When I first saw volume-I titled conscious flight into the empyrean I was totally flummoxed a situation that rarely transpires. In itself glance the illustration seemed to be childish drawing. However they had this peculiar power of impressing themselves onto your mind and then staying there like nagging fragments of a tuen that refuse to leave you. The sheer visual impact of some of them was remarkable which no amount of familiarity has been able to diminish. Also the theme they dealt with the awakening and subsequent experience of the Kundalini was unusual in itself.

Santosh herself was a most disconcerting person but in a very positive manner. The book and the person made an intriguing combination.

What struck me most about her in subsequent interactions was the strange quality of holy innocence she had. This most untypical of person had very little idea of the larger implication of her visions and she did not seem to regard them as being in any way special. They were accepted with a calmness that still staggers the imagination rather like a new and novel way of breathing but really not worth making a fuss about. Best of all she had absolutely no sense of self importance because of these experiences. She did not for a single moment that I knew her expect to be treated as anybody special. This was so rare an occurrence in spiritual circle that it instantly endeared her to me.

Volume-I was an intensely personal recapitulation of the strange experience she was undergoing full of the haunting visuals she used to draw with no training in art whatsoever. For the volume Santosh and her son Gautam asked me to put this vision in some sort of cultural or social perspective little knowing that they were asking the master of procrastination to pitch in.

When begun however another serious problems arose.

There was too much eagerness on my part to demonstrate the extent of my knowledge. It was a megatherian ego trip where I explained relentlessly until I explained away the whole books. Sense came later along with the very necessary realization that my business was to let along with the very necessary realization that my business was to let the book speak for itself and to only contribute comments if they could add to the reader understanding and appreciation of this process. Things went much better after that. However there was so much material available that it was soon realized by all involved that three volumes would be necessary to do justice to the sequence and message of her meditative journeys. It is of course necessary adventure in consciousness but each book can be enjoyed read on its own too.

Of what use is such a book?

The answer to that could be that things spiritual are not to be judged solely by utilitarian perspectives. The use of such a book is tenuous nation and perhaps the wrong question to ask. However the book does have a purpose and readers may probably gain much vale form it.

It is the first instance the book is very useful as a sort of reference map with significant signposts on the Kundalini journey. Santosh own experiences vindicate this point of view. Once she had the book written down she did some research and found abundance to textual support that illuminated and paralleled her experience.

It is important to note two things here. The first is that her own experiences were not photocopies of the masters but personal variation on a large and accommodative template. The core of the experience remains the same but each human brings his or her own abilities to experience as well as his or own personal levels of intensities to it. So readers who are on the Kundalini path should not be surprised or dismayed if their experiences very somewhat from those detailed in this book. They will still find enough similarity for them to recognize and be reassured that what they are experiencing is meaningful and that they are not going cuckoo.

The second important fact and I cannot overstress this is that most reports on the Kundalini experience are word dependant. Everything we know about it was from the terse reluctant statement of those who had undergone it and felt correctly that mere word were inadequate to describe what has to be experienced to be understood and even then silence was probably the best option. Most illustrations about the process was were confined to figures of human bodies with the seven main chakras. They have become visual clichés today.

Santosh work I pioneering and to the best of my knowledge absolutely unprecedented in visually representing many of the important processes and changes transformations and insights that occur when the chakras are activated by the aroused Kundalini. That much abused and overused word unique applies to this body of work. there has simply never been anything like this before in the field of Kundalini and that alone validates and justifies its existence.

Santosh feel very strongly that she has been given an aadesh a spiritual command to bring this work to the world. This sense of having been directed will be encountered at various points in the text. It is almost as though the book wrote itself through her a willful emergence that she could not halt or turn around rather like toothpaste squeezed out of a tube by invisible but purposeful hands. It may be that this reason is meaningful only to the author but at a spiritual plane for those who are aware of these things that is a very big reason indeed for the book to exist.

At this point it is necessary to state that these drawing are not meant to be taken as literal illustration of her experience they are symbolic representations of important stages and processes not pictures form a kundalnini holiday wishing you were there she is seeking to represent that which is inherently indefinable; not an enviable task by any stander. The drawing are like signs on a map; when you actually see the topological feature they refer to your mind makes the connection with no great difficulty but you never mistake a map for an actual picture of the existing reality. This is an important caveat for people may feel that they should n see and experience things exactly as represented in the drawings. Not so. The visual are an aid to recognition not a substitute for common sense which by the way is the most important item of luggage you need on a kundalini journey.

I have always been fascinated by the sheer fact that consciousness exists. Mind memory imagination and vision all comes back to that fundamental miracle. Myths in many ways deal with the varieties of consciousness which is why they are ever popular with psychologists. Then you stumble across a work like santosh which is a rapid tour through so many different and unusual states of consciousness that you feel out of breath at time. To me as a practicing mythologists the primary attraction to this work was the many global mythic themes that she had accessed with practically no effort. The other points of significant emerged later. This book gave a possible answer to a core question in mythology where do stores come form and why do they take the shape they do? They come from inner experience from strong visual imprinting connected to it. Not just archetypes but all mythic thinking seems to exist in what Joseph Campbell called the inner reaches of outer space.” What this book seems to demonstrate is that such mythic structure is inherent in the condition of being human which is why the tales of man are so similar all over.

The difference in stories are due to difference in personalities and cultures they are difference in interpretation of what is fundamental the same set of inner vision. Most stories seem to revolve around a strong central image and this book abounds in such images. Mankind has been losing its story creating ability because modern life does not provide the story. The rapid explosion of the sword and sorcery genre of fiction imitating the first myths along with the new age is no coincidence by this consciousness indeed possible only because of such alteration.

Closely connected to this theme is the great one of cultural symbols. For those who are Hindus this volume and the next will have many interesting insights as to how caste marks or distinguishing features ad weapon of the gods come into beings. What is important to note here is that these aspects do not seem to be arbitrarily designed by imagination. They are experienced first as Santosh experienced them and then translated into cultural terms according to the predilections abilities and conditioning range freely over the collective consciousness of mankind though she seems to have a special relationship with the archetypes of the Tarot. It is a lesson in how astonishingly similar humans actually are all attempts to assert the contrary notwithstanding.

One of the disillusioning lessons learnt about people in my many years as a Tarot consultant is that they cannot refrain from being dishonest with themselves. The mind is an instinctive pattern making mechanism; there are good evolutionary reasons for adapting that style. However more often than not people use that ability to delude themselves the capacity to gloss over and varnish one experiences so that one comes out looking good is universal it no longer disappoints to encounter it. But santosh was one person who was extraordinarily honest about her experiences and even more straightforward in admitting that she was sometimes all at sea as to how to interpret or regard the visions she was encountering. There was absolutely no attempt to strait jacket any of this into preconceived notions nor was there any evidence of self serving pretentious humility she reported exactly what she saw and felt and as a consequences of that simple and rare action she went into some interestingly deep waters. Since she did not seek to conceal her warts she also did not have any hesitation in reporting experiences that may have seemed inflated. This honesty in reporting experiences is what a really valuable quality of this book is. You rarely encounter such clarity and straight talk.

Santosh often said like a refrain that her sheer ignorance (at the time) about matters spiritual religious psychological and mythological was what saved her. No doubt ignorance was bliss. Since she did not have any opinions about the significance of what she was experiencing she was neither frightened out of her wits nor inflated with pompous sumgness at being somehow special. She could sail through experiences that would have seriously deranged more knowledgeable persons and maintains her balance long after the stage when other would have been setting up a spiritual supermarket. This is not to imply that she was not significantly changed by her vision nobody can experiences such intensity and remain unaltered. What is important here is that she never lost her common sense and her grip over daily reality.

In India families discourages spiritual pursuits among members for the good reason that they usually render the person unfit for normal living most of them are also so swiftly infused with a self awarded or our of sanctity that they become impossible to live with. In santosh case nothing could be further from the truth if anything her sense of humour has become even stronger and that is always a primary single of engaging with life. The experienced documented in this book are proof that you do not need to live in a cave to be spiritual nor do you go beyond the social pale by achieving certain levels of heightened consciousness.

So much fear mongering has gone into extant literature about the Kundalini and its arousal that this book is a great relief in its assertion of another possibility. The kundalini and its arousal is a natural physiological process available to anybody who is willing to submit to its discipline and is dedicated to its pursuit. The dangers of Kundalini arousal are only as much as learning a martial art. If you overtax yourself and try too hard before you are ready for it you can end up hurting yourself. That is an acceptable risk for it is your responsibility not to act foolishly and cause harm to yourself. Ego and an inflated sense of self importance or a wildly optimistic appraisal of one’s abilities have to be left at the door of the dojo if you want to progress in any marital art. The same applies in the case of the Kundalini exercises and meditations. In fact it is not unknown for martial art practice the forms work of Kata to lead to spontaneous activation of the chakras and explains why a significant number of veteran martial artists also and explain why a significant number of veteran martial artists also end up as spiritual Masters. Santosh is living proof that the Kundalini is not to be dreaded but can become a good wise an loving friend.

To continue the martial arts analogy the one person who sees to it that you do not get into hot water end enables you to climb upward when you seem to have plateaued is the Guru. Santosh is absolutely clear about the importance and the vital necessity of the Guru. In the first place proper activation of the Kundalini under a Guru supervision goes a long way in avoiding the dangers that might befall you. And then the Guru is always there for you in a manner that no other human relationship can permit. The book is very clear that without the grace of the Guru nothing is possible; you will find yourself in difficulties. The increased sense of bonding and identification with the Guru field and through that with the universal consciousness is one of the most interesting aspects of the book. It reiterates an ancient Indian lesson that the Guru is paramount. Santosh reverence for her guru was never syrupy. He was a strong and empowering force that kept her out of all the byways of the dark side. It is an interesting and important point to keep in mind if you are planning to walk the Kundalini path.

Although it is never stated, a distinct aspect of the book is that death ceases to be the obsession it normally is when the kundalini is flowing freely. This goes against the grain of the usual state of mind but it is a very liberating breakthrough. As a way of being it is startling in it freedom.

My comment on Santosh illustrations and diary entries appear between symbols which look like this:

Just before the main text of this book three visuals are displayed from the end of Volume-I to place this book in context as well as in sequence. Giving in to the temptation to generalize one may say the volume-I is about the experiences with the Kundalini that deal with a personal level while Volume-II sees those experiences expand themselves into the external levels and volume-III sees the process attain the universal dimension. However they are all experiences that take place in the interior realms of consciousness. Volume-III will carry forward the themes developed in this book until they come to a final resolution. The third volume will also have a special section where the archetypal and symbolic aspects of her visions will be explained in more details.

Welcome to a singular and rewarding journey!

“I would like you to realize a great child likeness of spirit as you feel that all down through the ages we have been waiting to meet. You and I have been seeking each other tough not knowing how or why and now in this life I am to make manifest to you the highest knowledge of the truth of life. I am the messenger you must take the message.”

As I look back on my life I realize that the course of evolution for any organism is set from the moment of conception.

My grandparents had a kul-Guru (family Guru). His name along Swami Mohangiriji and we would address him as swami ji. He along with three of four attendant would spend a month or so with us every years. This pattern continued even after my grandparents were no more. We children grew up with this presence and with the routine of paying our respects to Swamiji before going to schools and in the evening spending time with him and taking part in the evening prayers. I remember him as a gentle person with whom I was entirely comfortable. There was no barrier and communication on my subject would be complete. With him one had the freedom of making mistake learning from them and then going back to him knowing that he would understand. From all of us I was the only child who was initiated.

Coupled with this we had the good fortune of our parents migrating to the hill town of mussoorie in 1948 after the partition of India our father seemed to have a fascination for those in saffron robes. Since we were at the foot of the Himalayas we would come in contact with the Sadhus who travelled up and down. They were often invited to take refuge with us for a night if they so desired. In a way beings in the company of holy men has been a way of life a natural happening which later led to my reading about the ones I did not know.

Nature or the almighty has made sure that I or this body mind organism have beein in constant touch with the source. So when the time was right the living Guru and the subconsciously seeking shishya would be a part of a spontaneous happening in the scheme of the functioning of totality and this would lead to quantum leap for this particular organism.

What is recorded in this diary are my experience brought forth by the breathing exercises and affirmations given in the course book mental physics: lectures and lessons.

It was at the insistence of a friend that I joined the course in mental physics conducted by justice M.L. Dudhat in Mumbai in august 1995. This is course in self development and comprises of lectures breathing exercises and affirmations.

I have travelled a long road since August 1995 and it has taken me to new horizons of discovery it has me explore dimensions I did not know existed I discovered the wonder of the human body the mind and the identity of the self.

How did this happen?

At the very start of the course, it was clearly indicated by the source consciousness that justice M.L. Dudhat was the divine channel or Guru. I would get my spiritual instructions from him through thought world or gesture. It would be up ot me to inculcate the degree of receptivity sensitivity and awareness that was required to grasp of receptivity sensitivity and awareness that was required to grasp the transmission. I realized that this would only be possible if I dropped all defenses and left myself completely open to what was emanating from the Guru. It is rightly said that when the aspirant is ready the Guru will manifest himself. However the aspirant has to be extremely alert aware and attentive in order not to miss the great revelation. If it is missed one can only conjecture as to how many more lives it would take for a similar opportunity to present itself depending on the building up of further Karmic debts.

The Guru most simple words are loaded with power one needs to take them as God truth. They may be uttered most casually but the true aspirant ears will always be alert ant will take each worlds as a command. The catch lies in the fact of this subtlety; the aspirant has to realize it for himself or herself. Knowledge just flows from the Guru its is us to be receptive and absorb.

I had the tendency to look beyond the simple word do not doubt do not fear the riddle of the universe is about me and I am now solving it in the course book. These words lent a mystery to the extent of disregarding caution and leaping into unknown.

The unknown introduced itself to me in the form of visuals. The breathing exercises had triggered the process of unraveling my past lives giving me knowledge about the person I had been; a person who had gone through rigorous practice on the path of self discovery. I visualized myself sitting in meditation at the cremation grounds. At another once more. A funeral pyre was lit and I collected a cauldron full of burning coal and ashes and poured it over my head with the recitation of a mantra.

I think this kind of sadhana requires a brave heart. I immediately started to reap the fruits of the work done in that life. I started to discover the inner world of light and the power of thought which become form and is let out as the word already manifested needing only to fructify. After realizing the power of the world I leant to be more aware of my thought before letting them out as words. I realize that the past and the future that we occupy ourselves with heave no meaning at all the past does not exist and the future is unknown. The need is only to be in the now.

For five months it was action replay I was being given a brief run through of the power of the affirmation and the word and the effect they have inside and outside the body.

It was also during this time that the cosmic finger kept pointing at the teacher whom I was in due course to acknowledge as my spiritual Guru. It was important for me that the source itself him out to me.

Confusion doubts and mutual testing are perhaps a natural part of this profound relationship between two individuals on the evolutionary path. The more I think about it the more I realize that the testing is usually a projection of the disciple inner turmoil. On the Guru part there is an ever present genuineness openness acceptance and love as the result of being a channel of the divine once the veil of ignorance is lifted form the student mind there comes an almost instantaneous recognition of the Guru bringing in its wake a surge of gratitude and surrender to the master. In this transformation lies the seed of transmutation of several lifetime of karma bringing to fruition the manifestation of grace in the life of the seeker.

The guru not only serves as a mascot for the outward projection of the inner teacher but also as very real nurturing accepting and reassuring presence whenever the process of awakening is distressful.

It was only when I started to experience the movement of the chakras that I realized that something unusual was happening in my body. I was not unduly worried but only curious and started to observe it. The following passage gave some clarity and understanding of the activity that was taking place in my bodies.

In stark contrast to the writings of many aspirants my experience underscores the love the effulgent beauty the gentleness and the glory of Mahashakti Kundalini unveiling herself to ordinary human perception. In fact I found myself blessed to be in daily communion with this gentle cosmic force residing within me. She made me aware of the special source for the feelings of tenderness and loving care and of being cherished to a depth not possible in ordinary human interaction. The warmth that this beloved force generates cannot be described. It the warmth of tenderness. It goes beyond any human touch. Not even a mother embrace has it. It is like being in the womb of love.

The exercises not only awakened my hidden and dormant energies but also endowed me with good heath renewed confidence vigour and a joyful disposition bringing to a conscious level the very nature of my being. Kundalini transformed by body and mind. The energy first cleared and set in rhythmic motion the etheric centres which in turn energized the physical organs thus ensuring their robust functioning. Once this was taken care of the energy started to do it work of clearing the nadis and lastly it moved onto clear the brain of all its blocks erasing creating and blasting the ones that were really gross. When the blasting went on there was the sound as if a skull had cracked on the funeral pyre and my physical body would get a jerk. On speaking to guruji about this he told me that this indicated the destruction of old karmas. This was heartening because I did have to go through working them out. Something I was aware of a sensation of the brain actually moving to the left or right in the cranium as I shifted from analytical thinking to the more intuitive or dream like state. There were times when the nudges and shoves become physically palpable.

My etheric centred by an outside agency. In time I started to address this agency as the white brotherhood because I would see figures in white moving around. At times they would be sitting with me huge books the pages of which would be turned for me. Or would be somewhere in space and I would be expected to give attention to some charts. Invariable in the early hours of the morning there would be a group of sage sitting with me for meditation. This was probably done to keep the vibratory level at a certain degree to enhance me awareness or focus. It is recently that I have come to know what the words white brotherhood really stand for as explained below.

There are distinct phases of meditational experience brought on as the direct result of the change that take place in the etheric body like seeing the Prana and the Chakras becoming aware of the shifts singled out to be the recipient of this sacred knowledge. How patiently and minutely the source has drilled into me that I am patiently and minutely the source had drilled into me that I am that the all encompassing source consciousness. Though there was a great sense of joy wonder and curiosity at no stage did I ever feel that anything strange was happening. It was a as if were assigned a project or a job that needed to be done. If I didn’t understand something I would ask for clarification.

Some of the astral beings did try to scare me of but this I think was at a lower vibratory level. I would just curiously watch their contorted faces and hands trying to claw at me and my hair or when they would lift me and smash me to the ground the impact of which would leave me shaken. I figured out that these beings could not impact my physical body so there was no physical pain. They had the capacity to attack only my psyche. When I did not respond to the violence they deployed seductive tactics. They would play with me. I would feel someone come from behind me and cover my eyes with both hands. I would keep my cool and ask the entity to introduce itself. Someone would come and kiss me on the lips. It was all play nothing vulgar or obscene. I realized that this whole play was a war on the psychic plane and after I had passed the test so to say I was ordered by a figured in white to move on.

It is my good fortune that I had not read much literature on Kundalini yoga and the hazard faced therein. There were no conditioned responses; all happenings were dealt with as they presented themselves. I did not know I was supposed to be sacred petrified or even go crazy.

The realization dawned that I would have to sharpen my awareness and alertness in order to document those centres and part of the brain which when activated would bring forth knowledge hitherto not visually documented. If I had been instantly aware of this there would probably have been a much detailed rendering of the subject.

The truth dawned that there can never be end to creation; it is a rhythmic pattern which like any other law the eternal everlasting unchangeable changeless immutable laws of nature has been going on since eternity and will go on. If I as a thinking and conscious entity allow myself to flow with the scheme of things ordained for me I will complete my cycle of evolution in a peaceful and harmoniums manner without blocking the process that nature has ordained for me.