Usually we want to avoid anger-provoking situations. Such situations evoke mental distress and uncomfortable feelings in us. Our relationships with others suffer too. But sometimes we get into such situation's unintentionally. What are the underlying factors that lead us to such situations? How can we manage such anger provoking situations effectively? What are the deeper psychological processes related to anger? How can one deal effectively with an angry individual without making the relationship stiffer? How can one reduce one's own suffering associated with anger? This honk is meant for those who are concerned with these issues. Here we would make use of many real world scenarios depicting various aspects of anger and related issues. Analyses of these situations along with sonic important theoretical information would enable us to find out the deeper issues underlying anger.
This, in turn, would lead us to some useful insights regarding effective management strategies. We expect that after going through this book you would be able to reflect on your anger more effectively and apply the insights gained in veer life. Let us begin with an example of an anger provoking situation. Bubun was getting late in returning home. After getting down from the train she was contemplating what just happened in the train. She had phuchka with Tina and missed her train. In the next train she met Rajiv, a senior in her college. Tina told Rajiv that Bubun was in need of a tutor. Rajiv seemed very enthusiastic to take Buhun to his tutor. He insisted that his Sir would gladly allow Bubun to join his tutorial class if Rajiv recommends. He also offered himself to accompany her.
Bubun was a little apprehensive as she has heard a lot of stories about Rajiv. She felt that she needs to discuss this matter with her mother before going to Salt Lake with Rajiv the next day. Bubun readied home. Her mother opened the door with a stern face. Bubun could sense that something was wrong. Her mother walked into the kitchen after seeing her. Bubun said to her, "Don't worry about my snacks. I am not hungry.
Mot her : Why?
Bubun : I had to have phuchka with Tina (and friends).
Mother : Oh! So not only are you late but you ate junk food as well!
Bubun : It was not my fault. Tina insisted on having phuchka with her. That's why we missed the train.
Mother : You didn't even feel it was necessary to inform me! Otter you are with your friends you forget your home.
Bubun : Oh' you never listen! Do you know at all, what happened today?
Mother : I am sure you have some new excuses... Ok, go ahead. Why have you become silent now?
Bubun I don't think you really want to listen to me. Cool off a little, then I will tell you.
Mother : You don't need to talk about my temper. Think where you are heading at. If things keep going like this, what will happen to your future?
Bubun : What exactly do you want to say? Tell me clearly.
Mother : You don't think it is necessary to inform me about your whereabouts and the people you are mixing with. If you get into trouble do you think you'll be able a manage on your own? Will your friends help you and be with you then?
Bubun You don't have to worry about me.
Mother That's easy for you to say. You have not faced the harsh realities of lite at all.
Bubun : Harsh or not, you don't have to explain it to me. I am more than capable of taking care of myself.
Bubun got up and headed towards her study. Her mother went inside her own room and closed the door behind her. Bubun (thought to herself) : Unnecessarily I got entangled into a conflict with my mother. Now the situation is such that I cannot talk to her about Rajivda. Then what do I do tomorrow? Let me see. do whatever I feel like, tomorrow. I can't take it anymore, now. In the above story we see that Bubun wanted to talk to her mother about an important personal issue. She felt her mother would be the right person to talk to, about it. But as soon as she reached home she had an unintentional argument with her mother and was not able to share her concern. Because of this, the mental distance between the mother and the daughter increased. In future, to avoid repetitions of such anger provoking situation, she would try to hide her problems from her mother and manage things on her own. As a result Bubun would feel lonely and her mother's anxiety about her daughter would also increase. Bubun's mother was both anxious and angry due to her concern for Bubun.
But Bubun perceived it as her mother's attempt to control her. So she rebelled. On the other hand. her mother could notice only the superficial aspects of Bubun's behaviour. What she saw was that Bubun was challenging her. That evoked a sense of fear and humiliation in her. In the process, her mother was unable to see that her daughter actually intended to talk to her regarding something very important to the latter's personal life.
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